Yes, everything is okay. I'm just a neurotic, psycho, over-worried, pregnant woman. I know I'm allowed to be a bit psycho considering what has happened before, but the issue is that I know that I'm bing psycho and I can't control it. I hate this. I hate being the psycho lady that freaks out with every pain down there...that checks for red or pink every time she visits the ladies...that worries that I have Pre-E with every headache...that honestly doesn't trust the doctors anymore.
This is not the way it is suppose to be. I'm suppose to be ecstatic that I'm pregnant and have made it through the first trimester (I'm almost 15wks by the way). But I can't enjoy that part of it anymore. I've found that getting pregnant...although definitely not the easiest thing for us...is not the hard part of having a baby. For me, it's keeping the baby inside of me. I've started having dreams about losing the baby. They're awful, but at least I can wake up from those dreams.
I can't wake up from the dream that is life now. And that seems to get pushed in my face more often when pregnant. Maybe it's just the hormones. I promise that I'm not complaining. I am grateful to be at this point, just scared too.
Six weeks more until the 21st week.
7 comments:
The crazies don't go away. They always tend to follow you around, don't they?
I can only hope that the nightmares disipate and things get better. There will always be a fear that lingers and that may not pass at 21 weeks, but at least it gives you something to look forward to.
One day at a time for 6 more weeks. I'll be here counting down the days.
Like Monica said, one day at a time. Moment by moment, even. You'll get through this moment, then the next one, and the next one.
Promise.
I'm here, holding your hand...whatever you need.
((HUGS))
You are doing great, just one step at a time.
We are here.
You are doing so well...just hang in there. I can only imagine. But, I'm here praying for you and reading along to support you in any way I can. *hug*
I totally get this. Yeah, I think I'm pretty much certifiable now.
Walking this path with you. HUGS
I am ALWAYS here for you my friend!! Wish we lived closer but I am always a phone call or email away. Luv ya...
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