Happy 2nd Birthday Cooper!

It's really hard to believe that it's been two full years since Cooper was born. Time has both flown by, and at times it slowed to a crawl. I miss him today just as much as I did in the beginning. That is pretty hard for me to believe, but quite true.

Somehow I thought that by having a living baby, this day would be a bit easier. I mean, I know that Riley doesn't take the place of Cooper...but that her presence would ease some of the longing. Truth is that she actually just shows me what I have missed with her brother. Truth is that she has helped me realize the full extent of my love for her brother. And she has shown me more in the passed 3 weeks than I knew I could feel.

We stayed busy today and had lunch out with daddy. It was a fully packed day, and now we are home alone while daddy is out playing dodge ball (yes, really). As much as I like to think I'm not, I'm still broken inside from all this. I miss my first born, my little boy with the perfect feet. I know he's celebrating in heaven tonight and doesn't want to see his mommy cry...but I can't help it. It's still not fair that he isn't here. I know that I can't change anything...and things happen for a reason...and all that crud...I just miss him a lot - every single day.

Happy Birthday Cooper! You are loved more and more each and every day.

If you are interested, here is the first of Cooper's story: http://mrsmuelly.blogspot.com/2007/06/coopers-story.html
I still haven't gotten to writing the second half. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.

First day at home alone (or two)

Our fist day home alone (without the g-mas or daddy) went quite well. I have no idea what I did all day though! I turned around and suddenly it was 4pm. At least I did get to take a shower...a nap - well, that was a different story. It's funny how fast the time seems to go in the day now.

I don't really get anything done other than taking care of Riley - which is a huge task in itself! She eats, then poops, then we change her diaper, then eat more and finally she falls asleep for a bit. Typical baby, I guess. Throw in the occasional spit up, clothes changing and diaper blow out and there's my day :-) I do love it though!

Yesterday, we didn't go anywhere. Just a nice lazy day at home. Today I took her by the pediatrician's office for a weigh in. They let me come in and weigh her whenever for my piece of mind. She's up to 6lb 5.5oz. So she's put on over 5oz in less than 5 days, and mommy is feeling much better about her eating! She's still a lazy eater, but apparently she is getting enough.

And, she's decided that her awake time is when daddy gets home from work. It's nice because he gets to play with her, but I must say I'm a bit jealous. I want to play some too :-) Guess I better be careful what I wish for because she sleeps all day with me right now. Funny part about it is that DH has taken the 9pm feeding for me the past two nights. He'll "finally" get her to sleep and bring her to bed...only to have her wake up (and awaken me) as soon as he puts her down. He tries so hard to keep her asleep so that I can get those few extra hours of sleep...maybe it will work tonight??

Belated 2 wk update

I'm a bit behind on the update. Riley was 2weeks old on Thursday! We had her pediatrician update that day...my appt on Friday...and a "sip and see" shower on Saturday. It was really busy!

All is well on the eating / weight front. On Thursday, Riley was up to 5lb 15oz - which is what the doc wanted. He just needed her to be above her birth weight (and a single ounce was enough). Feeding is still a bit of a struggle, but I think we are doing good these days. I may take her in this week just to check her weight - you know, crazy momma wants to be sure. She's still as beautiful as ever too. We had her newborn pics taken last week - and I'm still smitten:

And tomorrow is our first day at home all alone. The g-parents are gone and daddy will be at work. I've been looking forward to having her all to myself...but tonight I'm getting kind of scared! Hopefully all goes well :-)

Oh, and the boys made their presence known to me today. As I was driving home (alone) from an errand, I flipped the radio station. The next song to come on was "Bring the Rain" - which is the song that spoke to me during my pregnancy with Brayden, then had more significance after losing him...and now continues to speak to me as I hold onto Riley. Until today, I hadn't heard that song since Riley's birth. I cried both tears of happiness and tears of longing.

Baby Shower!!!

We had a "sip and see" shower at our house this weekend. It was totally amazing. My girlfriends really outdid themselves. Here are some pics of it all (totally pink):

The amazing cake. It was strawberry on top and chocolate on bottom. So very good. Oh, and the truffles on top were amazing too.

The fruit and veggie spread:

The other spread with "real" food:

Sleeping through her own baby shower!

So, so tired...

I admit it, I am tired these days! I'm extremely happy to be tired, though. This is the BEST tired ever. Riley is doing good and I still have help at home. Next week we will be on our own...so we will see. I'm kind of looking forward to having her all to myself for a few hours each day - but that may change once I don't have anyone else to rely on!

Riley is eating okay, but the "good news" is that she is filling her diapers. Sounds funny, but that's what the pediatrician told us to watch out for. So, I guess she is getting enough to eat even though she is impossible to keep awake these days.

Oh, and I can't seem to stop taking pictures of her. She's just so cute and changes each day. These are from this morning:

Jaundice and Eating

So Riley has jaundice still. We went to the doc twice this week already! Her jaundice has "stabilized" but she's not really gaining weight. The jaundice is making her too tired and a bit of a lazy eater. So, for now, we are bottle feeding so that she doesn't expend as much energy. It's a bit of a blow to her mommy, but we are getting through. The good thing is that her daddy and g-mas get to feed her too. Her daddy is really good about it. Hopefully, she will have gained at her doc appointment on Thursday.

Despite everything, I still think she's perfect. My favorite recent pic:

Oh, and I finally got her bedding in. I haven't written about this because, honestly, it wasn't a really big deal. The long story short is that it took me 3 months to design her bedding and find someone to make it. I was promised 6 weeks max to make it and finally received it after 11 weeks! AND when I received it, the bedding reeked of smoke. Who in the world makes baby bedding around smoke???? Then, after washing it, the bedding fell apart. To say this upset me (the overly hormonal new mom) is an understatement. But, we've found someone local that will make it now. She has even promised to have it done by this Friday - and I'm going to meet her tomorrow.

My daughter is beautiful!!!

Of course I'm biased, but who cares :-)

In her swing for th first time.

After her first bath (really just a washcloth) - she smelled so good!

Introducing Riley

Miss Riley Grace is home! She got to come home with her mommy and daddy :-)

After over 18 weeks of contractions, she was just a bit bruised. We don't know what she was pushing up against, but her face was somewhat swollen at first. Of course, her daddy and I didn't care. She came out screaming...and healthy...and that was a total miracle. She had no NICU time - to repeat that - No NICU time! Totally amazing. We are so very blessed.

Sorry it's taken me a while to post. I've just been enjoying our time with her. She's a great baby and everything is going great. I'll update with more pics later, but wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and wishes and thoughts. Miss Riley definitely "took a village" to get here - and each one of you helped.

One more pic to leave you with...she has just a few bows:

OMG...I'm going to have a baby!

So I guess it's starting to hit me now. I mean, I know I've been pregnant and all, but I've done that before. This time I'll actually be bringing home a baby. It's quite...surreal.

We are now less than 12 hours away from meeting our baby - her name is Riley by the way - and it finally feels a bit more real. A bit more like this might actually happen. The family has converged on our house and everyone is quite excited. In fact, that doesn't even begin to describe the emotion in our house tonight. This is a HUGE deal (as all you know). There are so many prayers and well wishes and hopes, etc. that we can feel it. So thank all of you!

Both DH and I are quite anxious. We have done a pretty good job keeping ourselves quite busy up to now. All we have left is to sleep through the night - right! The surgery is first thing in the morning, which is quite a blessing. I don't know what I'd do if I had to wait all day or something. So, now I'm to the point of not being able to eat anymore (restrictions to the c-section)...and I'm tired, but I'm sure that I won't be able to sleep. I'm going to try and read the end of my book tonight since I know that I won't have time beyond to do so - maybe that will help put my mind to rest.

Oh, and I cheated on my gestational diabetes tonight. I got to eat Sonic ice cream and wings and fries. Yum!

Less than 48 hours

Yes, that's right...our baby girl will be here in less than 48 hours. The date is Thursday in the early morning. It's pretty weird to actually know my baby's birthdate. I'm getting pretty anxious. I wonder all day if there's something big that I'm forgetting...or what else there is left to do...and then I just wonder what she'll look like and what that first cry will sound like. Yes, I'm actually allowing myself to be excited. That was a hard step to take, but I know that she will be here soon and I owe it to her (and her brothers too) to be excited.

Contractions are still coming at 4-8 per hour. They are actually beginning to hurt more, so I'll be even more thankful for her to be here. Sleep is not my friend these days between the contractions and my anxiousness. Not that I think that I'll sleep more with her here, though! Although, I think I'll enjoy those sleepless nights a bit more :-)

I'm ready...I think.

We picked a date...but...

So we picked a date for the c-section...and no, I'm not sharing it right now. Thing is, the date we picked is suddenly not available according to my OB. He gave me a week to choose from and the date we chose is "booked up". Of course it is! Is something telling me that this isn't right? It took us forever to pick the date...then, we set it and now we can't have it. Ugghhh!

I know in the grand scheme of things that this is no big deal. BUT, pregnancy hormones really can't handle it. I balled to my husband about it - even though I know it's ridiculous! This is just the universe showing me (once again) that I can't plan anything.

Oh, and everything is fine with baby girl. She's breathing away and moving like crazy. She's measuring 5lb and 14oz...so on the big side. The concern will still be the suck/swallow/breathe.

Why we are scheduling...

So I got this question in my comments, and it's a valid one. So, here's my answer:

My background is that I have incompetent cervix. I've lost two babies in the 21st week - one with a traditional cerclage (TVC) in place. Based on my history, I got a transabdominal cerclage before this pregnancy (much stronger and better stats than a TVC). I started having contractions at the beginning of the 2nd trimester. By 16 weeks, I was contracting pretty consistently and went on meds. I was also put on home rest at that point. Through increasing doses, home rest, and very little activity the meds got me to 30 weeks. At that point, I was put on the terb pump and received home contraction monitoring. The contraction monitoring just confirmed that I was having 4-7 contractions per hour...and sometimes up to 10.

The placement of the TAC does not allow my cervix to dilate or efface. It actually can restrict my uterus. Although it is very, very unlikely, there is a chance that my uterus could rupture against the pressure of the contractions. Since the baby has about the same survival and complication rates (long term) at 35 weeks as she would at 40 weeks, the docs don't want to tempt fate...or my uterus. Also, I'm on an extreme dose of terb now - it's been increased again - and the plan was to take me off my meds at 35 weeks anyway.