Evil AF

My evil visitor appeared late last night. Again, this was unexpected since I'm only (approximately) 5 dpo. I've discussed this with my RE before and I don't have a luteal phase defect. Apparently short time between is expected when on these drugs and not successful by getting pregnant.

Now off to planning the next round. I have to sit out a month because they are sure I will have cysts.

More follicles

Awaiting another scan today. There are a lot of follicles. I'm a bit uncomfortable. Last night I preferred to standing because sitting was too much "pressure". So DH played with R while I cleaned up dinner.

My scan revealed a lot of large follicles. I have one 19, three 16-17, and lots of 14-15.
They cancelled the cycle.

This was not in my plan, so I'm more upset than I would have expected. I was prepared for other options of it not working - like poor response or just no bfp...but not this. I'm going to crawl in a hole now.

7 day scan

This should be dated 9/22

Ummm, can we say pressure?? In my abdomen that is. I don't feel too anxious about this cycle...so less pressure on that front. Of course, that's why DH believes this one will work. I sure hope he's not too disappointed if it doesn't.

My scan was good. I have one follicle in the lead and 5 on it's heals, then about 60 trailing slightly behind that. Yes, sixty!!! Definitely explains the abdomen pressure.

I have mixed feelings myself about all this. When I see the big follicles on the scan, I can't help but be excited that each one could be a future baby. And then I start thinking about having another baby and I get scared. I don't know how most people decide to have a second, third, or more kids. This is scary in the first place not even taking into account all my possible complications.

5 day scan

Today is the day to check my follicle (think egg) growth. I'm thinking we have some significant growth because it feels a bit like my ovaries are trying to come out of my back! I hope not too much growth though...

Yep, I was right. There was certainly some growth. There are over 20 follicles worth counting on each side. Guess that makes me feel a bit better about the melons that are in my stomach! Now let's just hope that only a few of those keep growing and the rest can just stay back.

First shot - for the fourth try

I administered my first fertility drug shot last night. I hesitated a lot! It's not like I'm new to these shots, and they don't really hurt. It's just that something causes me to pause as I look at that tiny needle as it nears my belly. I think it took 20 tries before I finally slowly poked it through my skin. I'm an old pro at this, but man I hesitated. Maybe tonight will be better, but somehow I think not...this is going to take some time to get use to again.

Whether or not this round works, I'm in for lots of needles in my future.

Starting again

I'm sitting in my RE's office currently awaiting my baseline sonogram. My nerves are completely shot. I'm so very anxious...

We are starting down this journey of trying to conceive (TTC) again. Are we crazy? Is it too soon? What if my uterus can't handle another pregnancy? What if we have another loss? How will all this affect R? So many things that I can't control and some I can. The timing of this is something I can control...and yet I feel like it's so out of control.

I'm concerned it's too early to TTC again, but I'm jumping in anyway. Whether we get pregnant or not is still in God's hands...we are just helping with science. I'd probably be this nervous no matter when we started TTC again anyway. I'm mainly just concerned about having to split attention with R.

Add to this that we currently aren't telling family and have only share with two friends our plans. I really don't want to worry everyone and I also don't think I could "nicely" handle their opinions. We don't know how long it will take to get pregnant, so who knows anyway.

Happy baby