Riley's first Christmas

I'll write more about Christmas later. Here are a few pictures of Riley's first Christmas...

"Who needs Santa when I have Grandma?"

We went to the grandparents' houses for Christmas. It snowed so much they called it a blizzard! So Riley's first Christmas was white! We tried to take a pic to show the snow...you can kind of see it :-)

Christmas morning and Riley in her Christmas pajamas.

After a few Christmas celebrations, Riley was really starting to get the hang of opening presents. Of course, her favorite part was the paper - which went straight in her mouth if we weren't watching.

Rolling over?

Riley officially rolled over for the first time over thanksgiving. I say "officially" because she had done so previously but she had been on the ottoman and had some help! Th weekend of thanksgiving, she rolled over both ways. We were stunned and quite proud. That may have been her only time to roll over.

We have since been trying to get her to repeat her performance with no luck. Maybe it's our fault because we didn't do much practicing until recently. That's because I realized that she hadn't rolled lately. Our practice sessions this week haven't been too eventful. They consist of mommy and daddy helping Riley learn the motions. She just ends up getting upset and coercing (ie. crying) us to roll her over to her back.

At the rate she moves her feet and thighs when she is on her tummy, she may just crawl before she rolls over again! That's a completely scary thought. I know the house is dog proof...and toddler proof...but what kind of fun things are on the floor that will be so fun to put directly into a babys mouth. I think we may soon find out. Guess I'll have to increase my vacuuming frequency!


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Ready for the Season

Riley is usually decked out, but even more so this December. Here are just a few pics of what she's wearing and doing :-)

Sleepless nights

I'm very cautious about writing any complaints about motherhood on my blog. I truly don't have complaints, but I know that some things may come across that way. I just have things that I like to share. Before having Riley, I use to get angry with anyone that would 'complain' how their kid had been up all night or wouldn't eat their vegetables or made a horrible mess, etc. I use to think "I wish i had a crying baby to complain about, just give me my baby and I promise I will never complain.". I'm sure I'm not alone in that sentiment.

So, I am not complaining about Riley. Every day with her is an amazing miracle. We are so blessed to just have her around, let alone get to watch her grow and learn. The absolute worst cry-filled, sleepless, fit throwing night is so much unbelievably better than the silent nights we had before. If sleep is the price, I am willing to pay.

I would give up all my sleep if that's what it took. I wish I could give it away and get the boys back (and every other deadbabymamas children back). My wish to each of you is that you get your sleepless nights too. And on that day you can each understand that your fellow deadbabymamas are not complaining, we are purely living in the second. Lavishing in it really, because each of us know how short every single moment can be.

She is worth everything.

Cooper's due date (+2 years)

Today is Cooper's EDD, just two years later. It's affecting more today than it has in past years and I'm not sure why. Perhaps because the two times before that we have passed this date I have been pregnant - and I was distracted with baby planning (although the date did not go by in silence). Of course, now I have a baby which should be distracting as well. I think it's just the frame of mind that I am in.

I doubt Cooper would have been born on this day anyway, so it wouldn't have been his birthday. Today just serves as another reminder of the little life that I got to share for 21w 2d. Today is just a reminder that our first born son would have been 2 years old. I hope he is having fun playing in Heaven today. Mommy misses you little man.

Looking forward

I am looking forward to this season and all the firsts that we will get to experience with Riley. I'm excited to be celebrating a Christmas with a baby in our house. There is so much joy in having her.

At the same time, I am look-ing forward. I am missing my boys greatly. I have this intense pulling that wills me to not be sad at all because I have Riley now. As wonderful as having her is, it doesn't make up for what has already been lost. And today I can't help but be a little sad.

We took Riley for pics with Santa this weekend. There were families all around with multiple kids. It didn't bother me at the time, but now it makes me sad. I am suppose to have three kids sitting on santa's lap. Granted, it is unlikely that if either of the boys had made it, we would have Riley. And if Cooper had made it, there was no possible way of having Brayden. So my scenario is not a probable one in the first place. I just want to experience all these firsts with ALL of my children. I feel like there is so much I have missed.

And I'm sorry if I'm grating on anyones nerves with this. I certainly don't want to complain. I KNOW how fortunate we are to just have Riley. I'm just in a serious funk today missing the boys...and thinking of what might have been.

Ignoring itches

I've been meaning to write this post for some time now. Just a few weeks after having Riley, I came to this huge revelation. Motherhood is all about ignoring itches!

It never fails that as soon as she falls asleep I will have an itch on my face or my back or any other place I cannot reach without disturbing her. And it seems that the severity of the itch is directly related to the amount of time it took to get her to sleep. I mean if it took a seriously long time to get her to sleep, the itch will absolutely refuse to be ignored - to the point that I might die if I don't scratch it.

Most of the time the culprit is a loose hair on my forehead or cheek. You'd think that would be easy enough to get to, but Riley takes both hands to hold these days (she's getting so big). Before she was big, I needed two hands because she was like carrying a sack of water - impossible to determine which way she might move at anytime.

So, each night I can pretty much set my watch by the itches - if I start feeling one, Riley is getting quite close to sleep :-)