Girly flowers

The flowers in our front yard are blooming like crazy. I guess it's appropriate since there will be a baby girl here in a few months! So...for your viewing pleasure:

3-hr GTT

So I failed my one hour glucose test last week...just barely. I got the results back on Tuesday and scheduled my 3 hour test for today. That was a ton of fun...okay, not really! I got to spend 3.5 hours in my doc office today waiting for them to take my blood. Oh, and my arms are a bit sore from the 4 blood draws. But, it really wasn't that bad. I just sat in the waiting room and read a book. I talked to some of the ladies that came through for their appointments - something I couldn't have done a few months ago due to my aversion to pregnant people. I still have trouble answering the "Is this your first?" questions...but I'm getting better. I can now look at another pregnant belly and not feel complete jealousy. So, not too bad of a day.
Results on Friday maybe...don't think I have GD, but maybe.

Oh, and today is 29weeks. That's a 90% survival rate...still. Every little day...

2lb 14oz and still growing

That was the weight estimate from Thursday. So, at 28w1d, she is weighing 2lb and 14oz! That's more than double what the boys weighed. AND it's just 7 weeks worth of more growing. She actually looked pudgy in some of the pics - weird to think of a 28 weeker as pudgy, though. What I really mean is that she actually has thighs now. The thought of my little girl with pudgy thighs actually brings some comfort to me. I'm sure she won't appreciate that in 16 years or so :-)

Along with the increase in weight comes an increase in length. Even though they can't measure that, I can assure you that she is growing. In fact, I'm pretty sure that she's attaching her head to my ribs. I'm not really complaining, but it definitely hurts after I eat. I guess I'd rather be hurting for that than not, though. It is reassuring...

And, I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or her taking up more space (read: me being uncomfortable) or just me being crazy...but I'm mean these days. If I weren't pregnant, I'd swear that I was PMSing. It's weird, and difficult to deal with. I feel the need to be so very appreciative of this pregnancy and enjoy every minute, but I'm mad a lot of the time these days. I get angry at things that I know are silly and trivial. I even get mad at my dogs, a lot. So, it's hard to enjoy the pregnancy when I want to tear everyone's head off around me (yes, a very, very bad case of PMS). People ask me about names and due dates and if this is my first...it's honestly very annoying and sometimes quite uncomfortable to find the right answers. And, please know that all of you bloggers do not count in this - you've been with me through it all...and you KNOW.

Am I the only one to feel this way? Is it a normal pregnancy thing...or a normal "pregnancy after a loss" thing? Please tell me I'm not going to just stay this way - I don't think my husband could handle it!

28 weeks - finally

Today marks the 28th week in this pregnancy. This is the week that my OB was holding his breath for...really. According to the many, many websites that I've looked at, our baby girl now has a 90% chance of survival with a 30% (or less) chance of having "complications". I honestly don't think I'd give a rat's behind about the "complications" at this point...of course, that is not to say that I don't want her to keep baking.

I go in tomorrow to take my gestational diabetes test. I get to drink this great looking orange fluid and then they take my blood. Ooohh, fun! They will be checking my cervix and the baby's heartrate too. Plus, they are going to measure her growth. She should be over 2lbs now - which is another major milestone according to the websites.

I had thought that reaching this milestone would ease my fears a bit more...but it hasn't yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing much better today than I was in the 21st week. I just wonder when I will be able to fully embrace this pregnancy. Will that ever really happen? Honestly, I don't think it will - maybe if/when we have more children it will happen in that pregnancy??? For now, every day more is a blessing - I totally realize that. I no longer fear that my cervix is going to just give out. I just worry about EVERYTHING else.

Pregnancy, babies, conception, all that is so amazing. I just don't understand anymore how so many other people have it so easy - and are so naive about it all. Jealous...a little bit...mad...not too much...in love with my little girl - totally.

Mother's Day revisited

So...it took me a while to get to this post. It's definitely been on my mind, though.

For those of us DBM, Mother's Day has a very different "air". I have now experienced three very different occurrences of this day. I mean, I've "participated" in Mother's day forever - with my mom and g-moms. Even after getting married, I kind of participated b/c we have pets (which are considered your babies sometimes too). Before getting pregnant...and while going through IF...I pretty much ignored the day except to recognize the moms and g-moms around me. The day was about them and nothing more.

Then, I had my first true Mother's Day experience in 2007. I was just a few months pregnant with Cooper and full of hope. I was completely naive. My second experience, in 2008, I was now the mother of two dead babies. Not really something that I wanted to celebrate...but I still recognized that I was a mom. And my loving friends and family recognized that too (thank God for all of them). This year, I am past the all important viability point (24w) for this pregnancy. I'm not naive, but I am full of hope. I'm still terrified though, each and every day. Despite that hope, Mother's Day was very, very hard. I'm sure pregnancy hormones did not help though. If I've ever missed the boys, I missed them most this last Sunday. I sat in the nursery...which is now pink...that they never got to see, and cried. Even with all the hope that surrounds this year, I still cried for my boys.

My issue with Mother's Day is that many women that should be celebrated are overlooked. I mean, if it weren't for my protruding belly I probably wouldn't have been recognized as a mother (other than by close friends and family). My heart just breaks at this. There are mothers out there that are not recognized - due to infertility, miscarriage, baby death...the list goes on. Just because you don't have a baby/child in your arms (or belly) doesn't mean that you are not a mother! Just because you haven't cleaned up dirty diapers or spit-up or been awakened at all hours of the night - that doesn't mean that you're not a mother. If you've dreamed of your baby, tried for your baby, made plans...you are a mother.

So, belated or not, I celebrate all of you. You are amazing women who I am so happy to call friends. AND, I don't need a "special" day to celebrate you! Much love to all of you.

Our Monkey

That is what we began this pregnancy calling the baby. Perhaps a bit of explanation is necessary...

You see, my husband has rather large feet. Along with those feet are these ridiculous monkey toes. Seriously! I think his big toe is just as long as my pinkie finger. Not to mention the fact that my feet aren't necessarily petite. So, it stands to reason that our child is going to have rather long toes. Hence, she (although we didn't know she was a she at the time) was called "Monkey".

She proved true to her original name yesterday at my appointment. When I went in, I wasn't sure if she was still breech or not because I hadn't been feeling kicks "down there". Well, she is technically breech...but her feet aren't down by my cervix. She's doing a yoga pose or something...b/c her feet are actually above her ears!!! That's her foot on the right :-)


And Happy Mother's Day to all. I know it's a day of mixed emotion for many of us. For my own sanity, I'll write more on that tomorrow. Regardless, much love to all of you. I hope the day is "gentle".

Down to double digits

On my counter (to the right), that is. It's less than 100 days until we hit the 40w mark. Of course, since I'll have a planned c-sec it's been less than 100 days for a while now. Still, it's a milestone in itself. I remember in my first pregnancy thinking how amazing it would be to get to the double digits point. Well...I'm there now, and it's still scary...but amazing just the same.

The TAC is an amazing thing. I'm holding at 6cm long now!!!! That's unheard of. That's like 2 full inches between our baby girl and the world. She is protected from my faulty cervix. The contractions are still coming, but DH, my doc, my friends, my mom, my MIL, and many others are keeping track of me (and my contractions). I'm in good hands these days.

So, with the celebration of making it to double digits comes the need to nest. I need to get her room ready. So, I've ordered her bedding - having it made for a very reasonable price. It will be pink and black and white with a bit of green. The room is currently blue b/c we were over-zealous parents in the first pregnancy (with Cooper)...so that needs to be painted. We bought the paint this week too. I put a tiny bit on the walls to make sure I liked the color (don't worry, I wasn't in there too long). Here's the pic of the pink paint:

Crazy enough is how hard it was to put pink over the walls that have been blue now for almost 2 years. I only covered about 2 feet of the wall and the emotions were swirling. DH will be painting the room, and I'm not sure that he'll be as sentimental about the blue as I seem to be. Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones, or maybe it's just me being a deadbabymama. Either way, it will be hard to see the blue "go". We are keeping part of the paint that was already done, though. It's a white horizontal stripe near the top of the wall. At least that way I won't feel like I'm completely covering up our boys.

Happy Bday DH

My husband's birthday was over the weekend. He has finally caught up with me in age...see, I married a younger man! It was a great weekend full of surprises. We (really DH) had planned just to go to dinner, but I had planned much more for him. I sent him with a bunch of his guy friends to play golf. Then, when they got home (5 hours later) there was a party waiting for him. He had no idea! That in itself is amazing because I find it incredibly hard to keep anything from him. I had a ton of help - so don't worry about me overdoing! I am so grateful for all the friends and family that helped and kept giving me ideas. It really was a great time.

I'm also grateful that we are still pregnant at his birthday. Last year, DH's birthday was a goal for us. It would have been 29w for Brayden, which as we all know is a huge milestone. Still, DH's birthday this year was a milestone too. We are almost 26w pregnant! Our little one is still kicking, moving, and making her presence known. So, not only do we celebrate that DH is a year older...we also celebrate that our little girl is that much closer to being here with us :-)

For your viewing pleasure, here's a pic with my girlfriend - she's 7 weeks ahead of me!