2 - 4am

This is the time of day (or night if you really think about it) that our little girl has decided to make her most active. As much as I enjoy her activity, I don't understand why she couldn't pick a few daylight hours to be way active instead. And I mean, WAY active! I have full confidence in my TAC, but I swear that she kicks it so many times a night I begin to wonder. She also has this insane ability to find the one spot that is excruciating when she hits it - and hit it repeatedly. Of course, the pain is only for the second or two that she kicks...so I deal.

I'm not at all complaining. I'm so very thankful that she chooses to be active. It truly is very comforting to feel her rooting around in there. It is also distracting when I'm trying to sleep, but I guess she's just preparing me for when she is here with us. Oh, I'm going to be a ball full of fun with little to no sleep :-)

Everything else (besides my sleeping) is going well. I'm 24w6d today! It's amazing. I'm actually starting to be uncomfortable. I never thought I'd get to that point - being uncomfortable. Any suggestions as to how to make the time I do get to sleep more comfortable are definitely welcome.

Twenty Four Weeks!!!

We have officially hit viability. I know there is a long way to go...but this is a BIG day. This has been my (our) goal since the beginning of the pregnancy. The next milestone to hit is 28w. That's the new goal. I figure it's best to keep moving the goal so we don't ever get too "lax" about it.

DH and I celebrated the day by purchasing our first baby girl outfit. It's actually only our second purchase for this pregnancy - we bought her a blanket at 16w. The outfit is a knit dress with pink flowers on it. It's pretty cute.

As requested, here is a belly pic for the day - it really is a BIG day!

...my doc might be right - she's taking up a bit of room.

"You're gonna be big by the end of this"

I had my weekly check-up yesterday. All is still good. My cervix is measuring 5.4cm, which is only a bit shorter than last week (probably just because it was a different tech). Our little girl had now turned completely around and is breech. Not that it really matters, though. I just told the doc that he would have to pull her out by her feet instead of her head now. I'm just fine with that. It does explain why I haven't felt her up high as much. I think she likes to dig her toes into my lower abdomen, though. She will probably have ridiculously long toes - like her daddy and his monkey toes!

My doc was able to actually feel one of my contractions and was "impressed". At least, he again validated the fact that I was having contractions. The point of it all being that my contractions are not changing my cervix at all...so we aren't THAT concerned.

When I stood up to leave, my doc got a full glimpse of my belly. His comment was, "You're gonna be big by the end of this". I said thanks, but I'm not too sure how to take it. I'm just happy to be pregnant...and 23wks pregnant at this point. I figure the TAC is holding baby girl up a bit higher making my belly larger. Of course, at this point I have nothing to compare, so who knows if I'm "big" for me. For now, I guess I'll just laugh it off. It's not like I'm gaining too much or anything - I just refuse to suck in my tummy anymore :-)

Movement

So, I've been feeling this little girl move for some time now - since like 16 weeks. I guess that's pretty normal for a second or third pregnancy (even if the docs looked at me like I was crazy early on). The more she kicks, the more I fall in love with her. Yes...love. If I had been trying to not get attached, I lost the fight over the last week. She has specific waking times now. She kicks and swirls and even sticks her behind out. Every once in a while, she'll catch me completely off guard and I'll throw up my hands (almost like I'm scared). My DH finds this part extremely funny...and sometimes unnerving (like when we are going to sleep).

Of course, with all this movement comes a few more contractions. I'll take it though. I love feeling her inside of me. This is just another one of the wonders with my lovely irr.itable ute.rus. As another mom has recently had a bout of angry ute, I though I'd add my list of things that make my ute mad:
Having to pee (a normal side effect of pregnancy!)
Waking up
Getting hungry
Eating (I guess this gives her less room?)
Drinking caffeine
Watching any drama on TV (I have to crochet while watching TV now!)
Being tired

Hmm, my list looks like what happens to pregnant people. Really, the big ones are hunger and full bladder. So for anyone dealing with this wonderful "condition"...don't forget to eat and pee!

All is good.

We had an appointment on Thursday (continuing my weeklys). My cervix still looks good. It's measuring 5.6cm or so...which is actually longer than the week before. This TAC thing is quite amazing. I'm still having contractions, but we are trying a different method with my meds this week. We'll see if that helps. I'm still wondering if I'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill with this contraction thing, but I'd rather do that than not. Better safe and crazy than sorry!

For the next two weeks I will likely be focusing on positive pregnancy things. I may be sappy, so I apologize. I just add this as a warning - I know that there were many days that I didn't want to hear (or read) all about the wonders of a new pregnancy, even if it was a fellow deadbabymama. I need this focus to convince myself that we WILL make it to the all important 24weeks. Right now we are just 12 days away from that milestone - Viability day. I know that reaching 24 weeks is not any sort of guarantee. But, for me at least, it means that the doctors will actually try to save my baby. For right now, that seems like a complete miracle...so that's what I will be focused on.

Most pregnant

Today officially marks the beginning of the days where I am "more pregnant than I've ever been before". It seems silly in thinking of it through a full pregnancy - of course each day you go is more pregnant than before - but I know that fellow deadbabymamas understand.

I'm not quite sure what to feel today. It's a whole new day. Many of my friends have recognized this day (phone calls and such) and they are excited. I'm happy, but excited is too strong of an emotion for me today. I still miss the boys, and getting over this milestone seems to make my longing a bit more deep. I know that they are watching over their little sister and helping keep mommy's body in check. I just feel them nearby. It's hard to explain. I seem to be able to talk to them whenever I want because they are so near.

It's not that the pregnancy really reminds me of them, though. I don't ever feel like this pregnancy is similar to theirs. It's been quite different, other than the worry. I guess that can be somewhat in part to there being a little girl in there. I also think that knowing I have IC and having the TAC has given me a much different perspective. It's different to know what you are facing...and know the next steps.
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A funny aside: I woke up last night for my 2AM potty break. I rolled onto my back so that I could throw my feet off the side of the bed. This is quite a task because our Lab (Sutton) sleeps directly under my side. Plus, she's chocolate and impossible to see in the dark. I have a very small square of carpet that I can step onto that is nearby my nightstand. Just imagine my behind as the spinning part of a lazy susan! Anyway, when I rolled onto my back I checked my tummy. The weird thing was that it was flat between my hips. I pulled my hand up to my belly button and there was a big bump. Our baby girl had decided to crawl up to the very top of my uterus to sleep. Once I stood up (very carefully), she "fell" back down to her normal position between my hips. It was quite an odd feeling having a bit of a flat tummy for a second.

21w 5d

The gestation that we lost Brayden (our second). Somehow, I knew that we would make it to this day. Not like the entire pregnancy so far has been building to this day, just that maybe I "knew" this after we passed the 16 or 20 week mark. So, today hasn't been so bad.

The rest of this pregnancy is completely uncharted territory. There are points at which that terrifies me...and there are points at which I'm excited about it. Yes, really, excited. I have been a bit more on edge today than the past days, but I guess that's to be expected. Tomorrow I will be the most pregnant I've ever been. I'd say that's a pretty big milestone, right?

Anyway, I'm doing okay. AND a lot of that has to do with all of you. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Your words of encouragement really do help. And all the prayers...they help too. I don't know what I would do without my blogger community. Much love to all of you :-)

21w 2d

Today is the same gestation of our first loss. I'm feeling okay. I had an appointment yesterday, and my cervix was still measuring 5cm. This TAC is amazing. I've stayed busy today and plan to do so for the next few days. Monday is the same gestation as losing our second son...so we'll soon be in uncharted territory.