Today officially marks the beginning of the days where I am "more pregnant than I've ever been before". It seems silly in thinking of it through a full pregnancy - of course each day you go is more pregnant than before - but I know that fellow deadbabymamas understand.
I'm not quite sure what to feel today. It's a whole new day. Many of my friends have recognized this day (phone calls and such) and they are excited. I'm happy, but excited is too strong of an emotion for me today. I still miss the boys, and getting over this milestone seems to make my longing a bit more deep. I know that they are watching over their little sister and helping keep mommy's body in check. I just feel them nearby. It's hard to explain. I seem to be able to talk to them whenever I want because they are so near.
It's not that the pregnancy really reminds me of them, though. I don't ever feel like this pregnancy is similar to theirs. It's been quite different, other than the worry. I guess that can be somewhat in part to there being a little girl in there. I also think that knowing I have IC and having the TAC has given me a much different perspective. It's different to know what you are facing...and know the next steps.
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A funny aside: I woke up last night for my 2AM potty break. I rolled onto my back so that I could throw my feet off the side of the bed. This is quite a task because our Lab (Sutton) sleeps directly under my side. Plus, she's chocolate and impossible to see in the dark. I have a very small square of carpet that I can step onto that is nearby my nightstand. Just imagine my behind as the spinning part of a lazy susan! Anyway, when I rolled onto my back I checked my tummy. The weird thing was that it was flat between my hips. I pulled my hand up to my belly button and there was a big bump. Our baby girl had decided to crawl up to the very top of my uterus to sleep. Once I stood up (very carefully), she "fell" back down to her normal position between my hips. It was quite an odd feeling having a bit of a flat tummy for a second.
6 comments:
I felt all sorts of weirdness when I hit 28.1 weeks.
I am sending up a toast to you tonight. Slow and steady, sweet girl. I pray you remain the 'most pregnant' until she arrives safely, screaming in a few short months.
XOXO--Reese
It seems this is really the beginning of the rest of the pregnancy. I hope you stay "most pregnant" til the end.
YEA my friend for a wonderful new milestone!! Sorry I didnt email or text you today. Got so busy.. but I was thinking of you as I do everyday. Take care and try and enjoy the moments you can.
We do understand the anxiety that comes along with this. I'm so glad you have made it to this point, but I know what you mean when you say reaching milestones makes the losses hurt just a little deeper. Hugs for you.
I can only imagine all the thoughts and feelings you're having (I hope to know it soon, though!). I pray you continue to rest in God's peace and enjoy the beginning--and all--of the rest of your pregnancy.
I like what Reese said, 'slow and steady'...
I was just reading your blog and wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and keeping my fingers crossed! HUGS to you!
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