I have tons of small follicles on both sides. A total of 50 at the 8mm or less mark to give numbers. I would really like for at least one of those to be a "good" egg and make a baby. I just need one out of 50. It doesn't sound too bad, but this has been the same story as before.
If you are the praying type, I would appreciate some prayers. Of course, I know that in the grand scheme of things if this IUI doesn't work I am still quite blessed.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
One more try
At least for IUI that is. I'll start shots tonight for our last IUI cycle. We were wavering whether to do another IUI at all or move to IVF...but it comes down to the fact that I want to "beat" this. I've changed my diet, started exercising at least 3 times a week, and I'm taking my metformin regularly.
I really hope that these changes help. Other than being a few years older, the exercise is the only thing I could identify as something different from when I got pregnant with both boys - first try on IUI. I know age is a definite factor in egg quality, but I'm hoping that is not the issue at hand.
Honestly I don't have high hopes for this cycle. I'll still be crushed if it doesn't work though. Doing this one last IUI will give me more time to mentally prepare for IVF which I definitely need. It would just be so much easier if this IUI would work.
Another thought popped into my head: this is my last IUI cycle ever! So weird to think that. This will be my 9th IUI!
I really hope that these changes help. Other than being a few years older, the exercise is the only thing I could identify as something different from when I got pregnant with both boys - first try on IUI. I know age is a definite factor in egg quality, but I'm hoping that is not the issue at hand.
Honestly I don't have high hopes for this cycle. I'll still be crushed if it doesn't work though. Doing this one last IUI will give me more time to mentally prepare for IVF which I definitely need. It would just be so much easier if this IUI would work.
Another thought popped into my head: this is my last IUI cycle ever! So weird to think that. This will be my 9th IUI!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Doctor's office
I'm waiting for a routine appointment at my ob-gyn. I've been here plenty of times since the boys and even some after Riley. I've dealt with it pretty well, in my opinion. To add, my doc office is located in the hospital that I delivered all three children.
Today seems to be different. Walking in the doors of the hospital left me feeling empty and sad. Now sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of pregnant women and their husbands or those with their newborns, I'm not feeling any better. I'm sad.
Maybe this visit is different because now I want tone pregnant again and can't seem to find the magic combination to get it done. Though, it doesn't feel like that. It seems more like a yearning for what should have or could have been. This is a pretty common feeling with deadbabymamas, so I'm use to it. BUT I think it is exponentially magnified by being here.
Walking in I heard a new baby cry and it knotted up my stomach like it has before. I had to take a deep breath to keep from tearing up. You'd think I could handle such things, but apparently the situation and surroundings put me in less control.
I guess my doctor is running late today...of course he is.
Finally out of there. I feel like I could just break...
Next time I will NOT be going in through the hospital entrance. It's just too hard.
Today seems to be different. Walking in the doors of the hospital left me feeling empty and sad. Now sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of pregnant women and their husbands or those with their newborns, I'm not feeling any better. I'm sad.
Maybe this visit is different because now I want tone pregnant again and can't seem to find the magic combination to get it done. Though, it doesn't feel like that. It seems more like a yearning for what should have or could have been. This is a pretty common feeling with deadbabymamas, so I'm use to it. BUT I think it is exponentially magnified by being here.
Walking in I heard a new baby cry and it knotted up my stomach like it has before. I had to take a deep breath to keep from tearing up. You'd think I could handle such things, but apparently the situation and surroundings put me in less control.
I guess my doctor is running late today...of course he is.
Finally out of there. I feel like I could just break...
Next time I will NOT be going in through the hospital entrance. It's just too hard.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Okay, no
This month didn’t work either. Yesterday was cramps and spotting. Today it’s definite that I’m not pregnant. I’m approximately 11dpo, which is a little early to get my “visitor”. Apparently it’s pretty normal to get it early while on fertility meds…but I’m on progesterone too and I thought that would delay it long enough for me to actually get the blood test this time. Guess I was wrong. I’m waiting on the nurse to call back to see if I still have to get a blood test to confirm that I’m not pregnant – talk about insult to injury. It’s very, very apparent that I’m not pregnant. I just feel broken again, or even more.
After losing Cooper, we got pregnant with Brayden on the very first try. At that point I felt like the fertility treatments were a blessing. All the other deadbabymamas that were trying to get pregnant were having months of BFN and I got pregnant right away. Now I’m realizing that it was just luck of the draw. Fertility treatments no longer work for me first try. It’s no longer that simple. It’s frustrating and depressing and makes me feel like I’m broken. It’s as if something is trying to tell me that I’m not suppose to have another baby. I have trouble with getting pregnant and then I have trouble with staying pregnant. My body doesn’t like being pregnant…but I really do.
I had a much different post written in my head yesterday. I was mad. Today I'm a bit calmer - might be the Malibu and diet coke helping out. Im looking at it as an opportunity to actually start the support group I've been thinking of in my head.
After losing Cooper, we got pregnant with Brayden on the very first try. At that point I felt like the fertility treatments were a blessing. All the other deadbabymamas that were trying to get pregnant were having months of BFN and I got pregnant right away. Now I’m realizing that it was just luck of the draw. Fertility treatments no longer work for me first try. It’s no longer that simple. It’s frustrating and depressing and makes me feel like I’m broken. It’s as if something is trying to tell me that I’m not suppose to have another baby. I have trouble with getting pregnant and then I have trouble with staying pregnant. My body doesn’t like being pregnant…but I really do.
I had a much different post written in my head yesterday. I was mad. Today I'm a bit calmer - might be the Malibu and diet coke helping out. Im looking at it as an opportunity to actually start the support group I've been thinking of in my head.
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