This month didn’t work either. Yesterday was cramps and spotting. Today it’s definite that I’m not pregnant. I’m approximately 11dpo, which is a little early to get my “visitor”. Apparently it’s pretty normal to get it early while on fertility meds…but I’m on progesterone too and I thought that would delay it long enough for me to actually get the blood test this time. Guess I was wrong. I’m waiting on the nurse to call back to see if I still have to get a blood test to confirm that I’m not pregnant – talk about insult to injury. It’s very, very apparent that I’m not pregnant. I just feel broken again, or even more.
After losing Cooper, we got pregnant with Brayden on the very first try. At that point I felt like the fertility treatments were a blessing. All the other deadbabymamas that were trying to get pregnant were having months of BFN and I got pregnant right away. Now I’m realizing that it was just luck of the draw. Fertility treatments no longer work for me first try. It’s no longer that simple. It’s frustrating and depressing and makes me feel like I’m broken. It’s as if something is trying to tell me that I’m not suppose to have another baby. I have trouble with getting pregnant and then I have trouble with staying pregnant. My body doesn’t like being pregnant…but I really do.
I had a much different post written in my head yesterday. I was mad. Today I'm a bit calmer - might be the Malibu and diet coke helping out. Im looking at it as an opportunity to actually start the support group I've been thinking of in my head.
3 comments:
funny... i was thinking of you for some reason the other night and wondering if you were going to try for another baby. i had no idea you were trying. i am sorry it did not work this month, either. sending pregnancy vibes your way.
Just be patient and breathe. I know that's easier said than done, but there's only so much you yourself can do.
this is not a sign that's it's not meant to be. It's just taking longer than you want. But really, isn't that how it usually works out?
I also didn't know you all were trying again :-)
It's easy to say, "be patient," but hard to be patient for something (someone) you want so much! So, I'll just say...I wish you peace on your journey.
And...your bloggy friends are here for you :-)
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