I am looking forward to this season and all the firsts that we will get to experience with Riley. I'm excited to be celebrating a Christmas with a baby in our house. There is so much joy in having her.
At the same time, I am look-ing forward. I am missing my boys greatly. I have this intense pulling that wills me to not be sad at all because I have Riley now. As wonderful as having her is, it doesn't make up for what has already been lost. And today I can't help but be a little sad.
We took Riley for pics with Santa this weekend. There were families all around with multiple kids. It didn't bother me at the time, but now it makes me sad. I am suppose to have three kids sitting on santa's lap. Granted, it is unlikely that if either of the boys had made it, we would have Riley. And if Cooper had made it, there was no possible way of having Brayden. So my scenario is not a probable one in the first place. I just want to experience all these firsts with ALL of my children. I feel like there is so much I have missed.
And I'm sorry if I'm grating on anyones nerves with this. I certainly don't want to complain. I KNOW how fortunate we are to just have Riley. I'm just in a serious funk today missing the boys...and thinking of what might have been.
6 comments:
It is sad. There is no way to have the happiness and not be reminded of everyone who should be with you. And it hurts.
I'm right there with you.
It is sad. And perfectly normal.
I agree with Virginia and Michele, it is sad. There is no way around it. It just means you love them and will always love them.
Cooper and Brayden's place will always be empty. Having Riley is such a blessing, but it is perfectly reasonable (at least, in my opinion) to miss your boys and ponder what would have been. Hang in there!
It is sad. I know exactly what you mean. If Gregory were here, Gwen would not be, but it makes sense for me to feel that I want BOTH of them in the same room with me. Hugs.
Again, I am going through exactly the same thing. Wrote a blog about it awhile back too! Loving our daughters does not take away the pain of losing our sons, but the pain we feel missing our sons does not replace the joy we feel watching our daughters grow. It's okay to feel sad, even while you are feeling overjoyed with Riley. You can experience both things at once. :)
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