It's really hard to believe that it's been two full years since Cooper was born. Time has both flown by, and at times it slowed to a crawl. I miss him today just as much as I did in the beginning. That is pretty hard for me to believe, but quite true.
Somehow I thought that by having a living baby, this day would be a bit easier. I mean, I know that Riley doesn't take the place of Cooper...but that her presence would ease some of the longing. Truth is that she actually just shows me what I have missed with her brother. Truth is that she has helped me realize the full extent of my love for her brother. And she has shown me more in the passed 3 weeks than I knew I could feel.
We stayed busy today and had lunch out with daddy. It was a fully packed day, and now we are home alone while daddy is out playing dodge ball (yes, really). As much as I like to think I'm not, I'm still broken inside from all this. I miss my first born, my little boy with the perfect feet. I know he's celebrating in heaven tonight and doesn't want to see his mommy cry...but I can't help it. It's still not fair that he isn't here. I know that I can't change anything...and things happen for a reason...and all that crud...I just miss him a lot - every single day.
Happy Birthday Cooper! You are loved more and more each and every day.
If you are interested, here is the first of Cooper's story: http://mrsmuelly.blogspot.com/2007/06/coopers-story.html
I still haven't gotten to writing the second half. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.
9 comments:
I'm crying with you...
Happy Birthday, Cooper!
happy birthday sweet boy!
W, I wish he were here with you.
((hugs)) my friend.
Happy Birthday, Cooper. Enjoy a piece of that heavenly cake and continue to watch over your family.
Thinking about you and your little boy.
xoxo
Happy Birthday Cooper!
Windy, so sorry I did not get to email you yesterday but I was thinking of you. Talk to you soon.
Abiding with you.
Happy birthday, Cooper!
I am here with you as you continue to grieve. You are farther down the path than I am but I know this is not a thing one can easily make peace with. I suspect it will always be hard.
Be gentle with yourself and take good care.
Thinking of little Cooper today.
Happy birthday sweet one.
Windy, I though of you a lot this week. How could you not still be broken? It is so understandable. Im only approaching my 5th month, but I imagine we will miss our sweet babies forever. Its a terrible feeling to walk around missing such a huge piece of us.
Wanted to let you know I moved my blog to butterflybaby15.blogspot.com.
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