Today I am missing the boys. This is not something new because the feeling that there should be "more" is always with me. More laughs and giggles; more dirty diapers; more blue clothes in the laundry; more spitup; more carseats; more family. It just doesn't go away.
I try to surpress this feeling because it makes me feel ungrateful. It makes me feel like I am being less of a mom to Riley. And it makes me feel so much sadness for the other women without their babies. I have a baby at home and I am extremely grateful for her. She is a true joy, but she has not replaced Cooper or Brayden. Nothing ever will.
So, it doesn't go away. No matter the time passing and life continuing. When the boys died, it angered me that time didn't stop. But time has a way of continuing with or without your blessing. I'm thankful that time and life continued...as hard as it was.
I will always miss the boys. Today just happens to be a day that I miss them even more.
Mommy loves you.
10 comments:
i'm there with you....
I understand. Hugs.
I met a woman last year who had lost two babies 30 years earlier. She was at a baby loss workshop hoping, like me, for some healing and peace.
It was then that I realized that I would always miss my lost little one- yes, some days more than others- and that is what our new normal is.
I am sorry for your pain and also grateful for your live little one to lovingly keep you busy.
I knw I will never feel better about the loss of Aemlia and Alexander. I totally understand this feeling. I get to see Dr. Haney on May 4th. Hurray!!! Hope I can get the TAC soon. Hugs, lizy
I too feel the same. Even though I have my son I will always miss my daughter...she was my first born and it's not suppose to happen this way. I always wonder what she would look like, would she be like her baby brother and what they would be like together. She should be starting school next year.
Sweetheart the boys are your sons and you will never not miss them or you will never get over it as much as people think you will.
Lots of hugs.
Understanding...holding you in my thoughts.
xoxo
This is something that hits so hard to me today too... Here with you....
Those days are tough. I hope you're doing better today.
I know the feeling too well. Walking with you through this journey.
i just found your blog and im so glad. i lost twins in october most likely due to IC. im so glad to see your success story and i can imagine the pain never goes away. and you had it twice. oh, im so very sorry. :o(
your boys' names are awesome, we were thinking of both of those if ours were boys, but they were both girls.
my nana lost her first baby when he died 5 hours after he was born. she never saw him and the pain is still raw when she speaks of him. she's 92. i don't think it will ever go away, but i wish you and all of us peace.
xoxo
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