It's hard to think of a title for this post. I'm starting a second round of fertility treatments today. It's TTC our fourth baby...but only having one at home complicates all the "normal" questions. So, this is TTC baby #4, take home baby #2.
I'm ready this time. I know for sure that it's time for another child. I can feel myself hesitate a bit still, but I realize it's actually due to what's ahead of me with the getting pregnant process rather than the being pregnant or even having another infant. I'm scared of another failed or overstimmed cycle. I'm scared that we will need IVF again...which wasn't the worst thing in the world - we did get a beautiful daughter out of the deal. It's just all the doctor visits...keeping on schedule with shots...making sure I have enough meds...watching the follicles grow and hoping there aren't too many...and worst is trying to keep it all under wraps.
We haven't told the family that we are TTC again, but they do know we will "soon". I have a hard enough time dealing with the disappointment of failed cycles by myself. I feel like having my mom and MIL know would just compound the hurt - like I'd be disappointing them, though I know they don't feel that way. Maybe it's just another thing that I want to try and control - a pretty standard infertile need as I understand.
Regardless, we are starting another cycle today. I got the go ahead, so it's shot time tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment