Back to work...again

I'm headed back to work tomorrow. The good thing is this time I'm going back part time for a while. This will let me have the best of both worlds, kind of.

I've got some pretty big anxiety about going back. Once again, I've been off of work for 19 weeks (complications during pregnancy). The girls are 12 weeks old now (4 weeks adjusted), but have only been home for 7 weeks. We have a nanny coming to the house for the twins - to try and protect them from RSV season coming up. The nanny is great. She's been home with me the past two days "learning the ropes". I think she's a bit overwhelmed when they both cry - as anyone would be. I just hope she can keep her cool when I'm not here. She's a seasoned veteran with babies, so I sure hope so!

This may be TMI, but I need to share this somewhere. Up until recently I have been fortunate enough to be able to provide breastmilk for the twins. I've even got a decent stash of frozen built up. But now with the stress of returning to work and having someone else care for our babies, my supply is starting to dwindle. I'm no longer pumping enough to keep up with them each day. This stresses me further which then becomes a viscous cycle. And I'm not sure how much I'm really going to be able to pump at work, so maintaining supply is going to be a lot of work. By no means did I expect to be able to provide for the twins bc I had such a hard time keeping up with our first. But now that I have for three months, I just want to be able to keep going. I want to be the one to decide when to quit!

Oh and then there's the money discussion since I'm working part time but I insisted on a nanny. That's another stressor. AND I had another job offer (which is fantastic) but had to turn it down bc they wanted me to travel internationally for two weeks next month!

I'm sorry this is a complaining post. I really do have lots and lots and lots of great things going on. The twins are growing perfectly. Our eldest is so smart and a beautiful toddler. And every day I can feel the warmth of live from the boys around us. Life really is good...I'm just a bit stressed.