At least for now, the shots have ended. I gave myself the "trigger" shot last night. This means that I should ovulate in the next 36hours. Yippee! I think...
There are so many mixed emotions with trying again. I am very sad that I have to go through this all again so soon b/c it has already worked just 7 months ago. At the same time, I am grateful that I know it worked before and believe it will work again. I have to believe b/c how else would I have been able to stick a needle in my stomach every night for the last 10 days??? But the "what if" thought plagues my thoughts. What if this doesn't work? How will I react to trying again, and not being pregnant? What if it does work? How will I keep myself from being a basket-case for 40 weeks?
The problem is that now I know ALL of the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy and birth. So I not only worry about what happened to Cooper, but what has happened to my friends - so many families that have experienced loss. Thru loosing Cooper I have realized just how truly amazing it is to take home a live, breathing, crying baby. There are so many things that can go wrong that it's terrifying, but somehow things go right most of the time. (I and the girls I have met are just part of that stupid and awful statistic). I pray that no one ever has to deal with the things going wrong, but sadly they do - I pray for all of you.
I ask those of you that read this (the BC girls) to pray that this round of shots works. I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with a BFN, let alone another round of shots. Please, please let this work! Most importantly, please let me be one of the women that get to come home with a live baby.
2 comments:
I have been reading a book called "Trying Again: A Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss" by Ann Douglas. It talks a lot about the "in between period" before getting pregnant again and the fears associated with a pregnancy after experiencing a loss. I think this book has touched on everything that has crossed my mind lately... just thought you might be interested. I was able to check it out from my local library. We're planning to try again very soon-
You know all of us at BC stand by you and are here no matter what that test comesout to be. I too will be ovulating in the next 36hrs so you and I can do this together. I pray we BOTH get that BFP together because, I like you, don't know how I will be if it comes out negative! You are in my thoughts and prayers!
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