Riley had her 1 month check up today. She's doing really good - is up to a "normal" newborn size. Makes sense since she is gestationally 40w1d today. She's up to 7lb 13oz and is 20.5" long. that's 30oz in just 21 days, so mommy is now feeling pretty good about her eating. She's still on the lower side of the percentages, but that's to be expected since she was 5wks early. So, other than the diaper rash and occasional spitting up, she's doing really well.
Mommy, on the other hand, is not as perfect. I think the sleep deprivation is finally getting to me. I knew before hand that I would not deal with the lack of sleep well - just from previous experience. I'm just plain mean and a bit irrational when I don't get enough sleep. Most people would take naps, but I have a hard time with taking naps. Like I just don't shut down during the day. Granted, I am trying to nap...just not too successfully.
So, with my lack of sleep, there are a few things that are bothering me. Since I tend to keep things bottled up, I'm going to air my frustrations here...hoping this will help.
{Dear mom and MIL - You can continue to read, but I don't really expect or want you to solve these. I just need them out of my head. }:
I feel like all I do all day is wash bottles and pump accessories. Can't someone else do this? Why am I the only one to do it? And why am I washing bottles when I breastfeed anyway???
Does laundry ever end? I don't seem to mind all the pink stuff, but the rest of the stuff is getting in the way!
Am I making my daughter lopsided (in height) by only grabbing the same leg every time I change her? But if I lay her the other way, I find it impossible to change her diaper.
Where does the time go each day? I have so many things that I plan to do...and each day my plan changes.
Why do I feel like I need to have dinner ready (or planned) by the time DH gets home? And the house clean / vacuumed? Am I really suppose to be able to handle that too?
I really thought my relationship with DH was ready for this change (we have been preparing for a while now after all), but I still feel like we are strained. Maybe I'm just taking too much in on myself though...he probably doesn't feel this way! I'm pretty positive that this one in particular is a direct result of my "crazies" from being tired :-)
I'm truly not complaining, or I'm not meaning to at all. Each and every minute of motherhood is amazing. Riley is pure and complete joy. I wouldn't change one sleep deprived, spit up stained, gassy crying minute of it!!!
7 comments:
(((HUGS))) and I completely understand needing to get those thoughts out of you head. Your doing great!! And as for hubby that'll get worked out too. LOVERS...
Glad Riley's weight was up...she and Ella are close to the same size!
Glad Riley's weight was up...she and Ella are close to the same size!
I wish I had some words of advice. One so I could help you out, but two, that would mean that I have a baby here in my arms. Just know I think you're feelings are completely normal and I'm sure all new moms go through the same emotions. Please be kind to yourself. I'm following a couple of other moms who just had their rainbow babies. You may want to check out their sites, as they have written similar posts too.
Try:
alightshinesthroughonus.blogspot.com
lifeonthespacecoast.blogspot.com
Sleep deprivation will lead you to the brink of insanity. I felt I couldn't put down my daughter---she would wake up in 5 minutes flat.
If you can, find someone to hold her for a couple of hours, just so you can get some sleep or run to the store by yourself. You will have mixed feelings about leaving her, but I swear, it clears your head, and you feel better.
You are doing great! Hang in their momma! Glad to hear that she gained weight! Yay!
Yes, you are in a dark time, but things get better at 3 and then 6 months. Hang on!
Your question about the legs, um, I always picked up both legs, at the ankles, when changing. I was told that you risk dislocating a hip if they struggle.
Oh, dear girl! You are doing well and your feelings are normal! But keep trying to nap during the day - or at least just lie down with a book or magazine, or just shut your eyes for 10 minute - you need it.
And, NO!!! You do NOT need to have the house cleaned by the time your husband comes home! Let this go, for now - your body is still recovering from pregnancy and birth and don't discount how exhausting breastfeeding is. This is a time of huge adjustment for you and your husband, individually and as a couple. Take some time out to have lunch together (alone) or a date - don't neglect each other now that Riley's home.
(From the voice of experience...)
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