I'm having a low day. I know there is so much to be thankful for and grateful...and I am...I just miss the boys. I'm in a "what if" state. I know my fellow DBMs out there can relate to this. There are just some days that are harder than others. It's been almost 26 months since our second loss and I'm still sad. I will, of course, always miss the boys.
I think this is really being brought up because I'm trying to write a speech. I'm speaking at a service on Sunday for mothers who have had losses this year. I have done this before - just after loosing Brayden. My speech is different now, though. I'm trying to focus it on what the future can bring...the peace and the joy. I'm having a hard time figuring out what I want to say and how I want to say it. I've been where these mothers are and I remember that I really didn't want to hear "it will get better".
So, I come to you guys. Do you have anything that someone said that really helped? Do you have anything you wish someone would have said? Do you have some great insight that I should share with these moms?
Honestly, today all I want to do is go and hold onto these moms that have lost their babies. I just want to be there with them and cry...anything to make it so another person doesn't have to feel such sadness.
5 comments:
oh goodness....so much to say and yet nothing to say all at the same time. i feel like 2 years later i am in a worse place than i was way back when...
i think its awesome that you are speaking to loss mamas....sorry i'm not much more help.
Did you know Sun has been declared Baby Lost Mother's Day -see Carly Names in The Sand? So what a perfect day to speak and share your stories. I can't think of any specific statements that have helped me. Leaning on the women I've met here has so helped. I don't know where I'd be without the communication I have with some of these women. I know a few DBMS told me early in that I'd be happy again- not whole, but find some happiness again. I didn't believe them. But, it's true. I've found a way to smile again. Good Luck. What a beautiful tribute to your children.
Tell them the truth: that there are no good words for to help them get through this sorrow. Tell them it will get easier, but not for a long time. Tell them happiness is there, not yet, but it will come, but it will never be the same again.
Be honest with them, this is a roller coaster ride. Some days are good, others are unbearable. There are triggers to turn on the grief, anything from driving and hearing the birds chirping, sun shining in your face and BAM the tears will start flowing, because you realize life is beautiful but it would've been so much better with our babies here, alive and screaming.
This is a tough one for me, becaus eit seems that even though I've experienced it twice I still don't know what to say.
Did you already give the speech? Or is it this Sunday?
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