October 6th - What Not To Say

I wrote an entire post on this after our second loss. There was one primary question that just tweaked me the wrong way. Poor innocent people just didn't know any better.

For me it was the question, "How are you?" It's a horribly loaded question for anyone who has recently undergone tragedy. If we respond with the "normal" answer of fine, then it's like we are somehow ignoring the memory of our baby(ies). If we respond truthfully, it will probably be way more information than the asker wants. Plus who really wants to hear about how sad you are, and how much you miss your baby, and how unfair it is, and how mad you are.... The thing is though, that I eventually did find people that wanted to know all that stuff and would really listen. And that was the greatest help that I found.

Now after having three living babies, there is still one question that I have issue with: How many kids do you have?
I struggle with how to answer this all the time. The response I've found that works for me is, "I have three living." But I say "living" softly because there are some situations where I don't like explaining myself.