I want to write this down. It may not come across right...so I need to add my disclaimer first:
I am so sorry that any of us have to go through the loss of a baby. I am constantly thinking of Manda and her family. It totally breaks my heart.
Okay, this is my blog. It is a chronicle of my feelings...emotions...craziness. So, here goes. I'm getting quite frustrated with everyone being so very concerned with Manda. They completely just can't imagine what she must be going through. They can' imagine how they could go on under her circumstances. They think of her daily and pray for her (as do I). They cry tears over her story.
I'm not frustrated that people are feeling this...I'm just frustrated that they are sharing this all with me. I get daily emails (almost hourly) saying how so and so can't imagine what Manda is going through. How they know they wouldn't survive what she has been through. I know they don't mean it, but it's almost as if this hadn't happened to me just 5 months ago. I don't think I'm jealous. I don't want all the pity. I just don't want anyone to downgrade what has happened to me - for that matter, to downgrade what has happened to any of us deadbaby mamas. I'm just not sure how to express this. I'm sure people were saying and feeling the same things after we lost Brayden, but I wasn't in a position to "see" this. I am now in a position to "see" what others are feeling concerning Manda's situation. I think she needs to know how everyone else is feeling. She needs to know how much she is loved. That's what I would have wanted.
Does this make sense, or am I just full of myself?
Oh, and I fixed yesterday's link...so go check it out.
7 comments:
It makes sense, and I think you need to tell them "Yes, I know her situation all too well" or "I know how she feels, I feel it everyday..." Ir something along the lines in your own words. Not to make it all about you, but so people know you aren't over your loss and you still hurt. They may need a little reminder.
Hope this helps.
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I was so touched when I came on here and saw that you had posted about me, Tommy and our losses. I would imagine that our lose has brought back a lot of your feelings intially when losing Brayden and Cooper. I am just so sorry that we both have to deal with this. I appreciate your reaching out to me, but I understand that you too are still greiving. We both will for the rest of our lives. I luv ya and hope your post reminds people. Take care and ((((HUGS))))!
sometimes i just want to say 'shut up' because i'm tired of hearing "i'm so sorry for you". for me it borders between being sick of people feeling sorry for me, and sometimes i'm just tired of hearing that same phrase over and over. yada, yada. unless of course it's a dead baby mama talking. then it's cool. maybe that's what you mean???
I know what you mean. I feel like everyone said something kind right after I lost Jayden and now no one wants to bring it up at all. It's the big elephant in the room and we all act like nothing happened or something. My sister in law is in the hospital today having a baby and I want to ask you if you have ever had to deal with similar situation yet? If I don't go to the hospital am I rude? If I go do I have to hold her baby? I guess I want to be supportive (or I should) but I don't want to have a total breakdown! By the way I really liked the link to being friends with an "inferile"
I think your feelings are understandable and I applaud you for sharing them.
I do understand what you are saying. I know that for me, I feel the same heartbreak every time I hear another mama has lost a baby, and while my heart just breaks for Manda, I think what you mean is that no ones loss is greater than another person's loss?
I know that I was just in shock and so upset for you when you lost Brayden...I'm sorry that people's emails are making you feel so bad and re opening your wounds - I do understand why they would.
Much Love
Brooke
RYC - ahh no, it's so not the same coming from another deadbabymama! I wouldnt take offence at it from someone who had been through the same thing.
BTW I cant believe that anyone would call your losses "miscarriages"? Thats so not even close to the same thing.
I dont really have a problem with the term stillborn, ie having a baby that IS stillborn, its just when people refer to them as STILLBORNS - *sigh* its hard to explain!
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