Just FYI - I'm not looking for anyone to make me feel better, I just need to get this out of my head.
I feel guilty about being on modified bedrest and not being at work. This time it is much different than when I was put on bedrest with Brayden (just 53 weeks ago). With Brayden, we were preventing my cervix from opening with bedrest. This time, my cervix can't open. Or at least, talking to my surgeon, he says it can't. The only thing that could move my TAC is active strong labor. That's not what I have. Plus, now I'm not having that many contractions during the day. This could be due to the meds and the rest, but who knows. Maybe my one day of lots of contractions was just a fluke?
Granted, that I'm not willing to take a guess as to if it was a fluke. I'd also prefer to do everything in my power to make sure this baby stays inside of me for as long as possible. But, that doesn't change the fact that I feel guilty.
My job requires a lot, and now all that burden is on my boss (who is a friend of mine). He's already stressed as it is, and I feel bad for adding more to his load.
Then my poor DH is having to make all the dinners. I take care of my own breakfast (cereal) and lunch (PB&J), but he works all day and then makes dinner. He doesn't complain and even enjoys cooking, but I still feel guilty.
And cleaning the house??? I promised DH not to do housework, so that leaves someone else to do it. Great thing about this one is we are getting a maid while I'm home. She comes tomorrow and I'm excited - I don't feel guilty about this, but I still have the urge to clean.
Last, this Friday is Brayden's birthday. It's been one entire year. We are having people over for this, but family and friends will be taking care of the errands and such. I want to be able to do this for my baby. Does that make sense? I feel like it is my duty...my right as his mother.
Don't get me wrong, though. I am so very thankful that we have such amazing friends and family around us. They step up to any task and are willing to help in any way. Everyone is behind this pregnancy and praying away. I am very thankful for all of them, but I still feel guilty about it all. I don't know really why...just that I would feel way worse if anything happened to this baby if I didn't "follow doctor's orders".
2 comments:
Sorry you feel that way, but you take care of yourself and that baby girl. Luv ya girl.
I know what you mean about wanting to do this for Brayden. I feel the same way about wanting/needing to do it for Sam and Jack too. It's one of the few things we can still do for them.
Take all the help you can get and relish in the fact that those people are there for you and y our babies. Celebrate his short life and give orders from your bed if you have to. Make sure they're doing it the way you want them.
Take care of yourself.
Also, have you thought about Studio Kitchen? I don't know if you have one near you, but it's one of those places where you go in assemble all your meals or you can pay a little extra and have them prepackaged and then put them in the freezer. When you're hungry you pop them in the oven- ta da!
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