Thursday, March 12, 2009

The optimism of others

A fellow blogger wrote about this recently and it got me thinking. Please note that I'm not complaining about my situation...I am just using my blog as a place to log my feelings. I hope this doesn't offend anyone...

I go back and forth about being scared or optimistic about this pregnancy. Before July 2007 (when we lost Cooper), I was a very optimistic person. Definitely a "glass is half full" kind of person. Now it just depends on the day. I tend to take the opposing side to everyone...so it follows that since they are being optimistic, I find whatever can be wrong. Then, I stress over my over-reaction and whether I am just being crazy.
Everyone around me is so very optimistic about this pregnancy. At least, that's how they present themselves in front of me. I honestly would have it no other way, because if they weren't optimistic I probably would not be dealing so well. At the same time, it is sometimes it's a bit overwhelming even though I truly appreciate it. I was optimistic in my second pregnancy. I believed whole-heartedly in my MacDonald cerclage - even after I was put on bedrest. I was even naive enough to still be optimistic on my way to the hospital with contractions only minutes apart in my 21st week. So, I've been through this optimism after a loss thing and it really didn't work out well.

Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of faith in my TAC. I believe my surgeon and his stats (even though stats no longer really apply in my life - since I'm 2% of the 2% now). But that doesn't mean that something else can't go wrong. I mean, there's pre-term labor and pre-E and gestational diabetes... And I'm having contractions now. Granted, my TAC should hold through the contractions and my cervix is holding strong. There are lots of "shoulds", just like last time. At least my doc realizes this and understands my unease. He used the term "should" and totally realized that he had made the same statement with our last loss. He is now holding his opinion until we are in the "safe zone" around 26wks. I have a great doc.

7 comments:

Monica H said...

I don't think anyone expects you to be optimistic. It's hard to be. I think others are that way because they want you to be at ease and when everyone else around you is smiling, it's hard to frown, kwim?

It's easy to be hopeful and optimistic but it's hard to make it last. Do what you can when you can, no one is expecting more than you can give.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

You don't need to apologize for posting your thoughts on your own blog. I feel the same way, like everyone around me is so confident this will work out and I just wonder if they forgot that I KNOW what can happen! I have a lot of problems being optimistic after my loss and I can only imagine it would be much worse after two losses. Don't apologize for feeling this way. And I don't listen to statistics anymore either since I'm always THE tiny group of negative statistics. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Dont apologize, that is why we are here, to help you through. You have every right to be scared, it is ok. I am so sorry that the both of us have been in the 1-2% category, I understand how that can take any optimism away.
Cherish the moments when you feel optimistic and confident, no one is expecting you to be that way all the time.

Travelwahine said...

We are doing the best that we can under our circumstances. I have to remind myself daily.

Walking with you. HUGS

Amanda said...

(((((((HUGS)))))))) and the great thing about a blog.. is being able to be COMPLETELY HONEST!!! Luv ya.

Anonymous said...

this doctor rocks. he gets it.
oh, and i have thought about the same exact things too - preterm labor, pre eclampsa and gestational diabetes - and i'm not even pregnant and already freaking out.
you are on your way, hang tight.

B said...

Thinking of you over these coming weeks. I know these ones are going to be hard.

Day at a time. Day at a time.

Go get yourselves several seasons of the best tv show you know on dvd. That way you will always have good company and some distraction when you need it.

Take care

B