I am excited to be pregnant.
I miss my boys.
I'm terrified about another loss.
I'm tired of being told to be calm.
I miss my boys.
I love feeling this baby kick.
These contractions are terrifying.
I trust my TAC.
I have a hard time believing "everything will be okay".
I'm obsessed with counting my contractions - I can't be calm.
Today is the same gestational age at which we discovered that I did have IC. At my 19w6d ultrasound, my cervix had shortened from 4.1cm to about 1cm in just 7 days. This was after I had been assured by two docs that IC was not my issue! So, it's no wonder I'm not just "okay" with what the docs say now.
And I'm having contractions still. Are they BH or are they "real"??? I don't know. The bottom line is that it really doesn't matter because they freak me out. I am going to count every single contraction, and I'm going to time every single one. Maybe if I had been watching closer with Brayden we would have gotten to the hospital sooner - I would have gotten the tocolytics - and I would have my baby boy now. Who really knows, but I'm not willing to have that "what if" again. So...don't tell me to just be calm and that everything will be okay because the docs say so.
Honestly, could you be calm? Could you be calm considering two previous losses? What if you add contractions on top of that? Okay, and then add that you now know all of the things that can go wrong in pregnancy - because it's happened to the friends you've met. Could you be calm? If you want me to be calm, give me the sedatives. Make my contractions stop and maybe that will help.
11 comments:
No way no how could I be calm. Just keep breathing...
With my post-deadbaby baby, I asked my doctor to put me in a medically induced coma for the duration of the pregnancy. Seriously. He said no.
No. I could not be calm. Anyone who is trying to tell you to do that should be kicked in the shin. You have every right to freak out and especially at this time in the pregnancy. Time those puppies and don't feel bad to go in when you want to...false alarm or not. I wish you didn't have to deal with this. Very scary. Hugs.
absolutey, i would not be calm. i can only imagine how stressed, anxious, worried you are...and its totally understandable!
i would say, if in doubt, call your doctor! rest up...we're pulling for you!
((hugs))
I couldn't be calm. I know that if I get pregnant again, I won't be calm. It's just the way it is.
That being said, I'm still praying for you and I know JJ and Michelle are as well. I pray specifically for your peace.
there's absolutely no possible way i could be calm. having made it to 19w 5d myself almost 5 weeks ago...it's still an open wound for me. but, those dates and numbers will always run through my mind as they are yours now.
while the stress and worry are frustrating, they're also inevitable. you're a mother, you're first instinct is to protect your children. by all means, go into the hospital...10 times a day if you need to. whatever it is that will help reassure you then do it. that way there will be no second guessing or what ifs. drs, as skilled as they may be, can't physically feel what you're experiencing.
i do hope that someday i can be in your position with another pregnancy, worry and all.
Calm? Absolutely not. I understand why people tell you that, but it's easier said than done- obviously.
I couldnt be calm either, reading your post had my heart racing.
Geeze! I wish the contractions would stop for you!
Do whatever you need to do, go in no matter what anyone else says or thinks, you know you own body, get checked as many times as you need to.
I hear you, I feel your emotions. This is a very happy time, yet filled with anxieties and fear. How can you not? just remember to breathe!
HUGS
No assvice on how to be calm. Just do what you have to do to keep your sanity (or at least part of it!).
((HUGS))
I don't know a single soul who's lost a child that said, "oh, my subsequent pregnancy was a breeze!" If they did, I'd have to wonder what planet they were from! Calm, heck no! Not one drop of calm would come from me! Contact me at Amy at 1stbreath dot com. I don't know if the info I have may or may not pertain to you but there are two doctors brains you may be able to pick! They are both incredible.
Drink that water and take the Folic Acid! Those are the two biggest issues we as women face...the easy things we don't do! I'm not even pregnant and I don't drink enough water!
Calm? I would be a mess and would be calling the doctor daily. Know your fears are very normal and don't worry at all about driving the doctors crazy. That is what they get paid for.
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