So, yesterday I had to go to the dentist. This is a new dentist, so they have no idea about the boys. The hygenist...bless her heart...was making small talk with me. Then, the dreaded question came out, "So, do you have any kids?"
Really, how am I suppose to answer this? I mean, of course I do have kids. I have two. Thing is, they are both in heaven. I have come to understand that when people ask this question, they are really asking, "Do you have any LIVING kids?"
That's what they are asking unless they are part of the "dead baby momma" group - then they really mean do you have any.
My answer surprised me a bit. I answered her a bit more quickly than I expected. I said, "No."
I don't feel nearly as guilty about this as I would have expected. After Cooper when people would ask, I would agonize over my answer...it would feel like minutes were ticking by before I answered. This time my answer was almost immediate. I am protecting the people around me with this answer. They don't need to know that babies die. They don't need to know that the little kid crying in the next room is about to make me sob. Plus, if I answered with the response I came up with in my head (yes, I have two angels), people would feel like they have to ask follow up questions. I don't want them to be obligated to ask questions. For that matter, I don't always feel like sharing my boys during small talk with my hygenist. Maybe I'll let her know at my next cleaning...6 months down the road!
2 comments:
Last year we were in Santa Fe on vacation and the sales clerk in a little jewelry shop was making small talk with us. We were the only ones there and we were there for a while. She asked if we had children- I told her we had two angels. She wanted to know how old our angels were- not knowing that when I said "angels" I meant deadbabies. And this other time, I said "I have two but they're not with me" and the lady wanted to know where they were (she probably thought I was divorced and my husband had custody because I was an unfit mother) So now, when people ask I either "yes" or "no" and leave it at that.
This is a hard question. Ugh!
I hate it and I dread being asked it.
It depends on my mood. Sometimes I say, 'I just lost a baby'. That usually shuts people up but sometimes they feel obligated to tell a story of a friend of a friend, that this happened to.
Usually I saw 'no'. I want to say 'no living children', but then people might feel they have to ask.
In fact, I was also asked this by my dental hygenist. They literally keep a tab of our conversations and type them into the computer - it is weird.
But anyway, she asked and I told her that I'm trying again, but just lost one. She said 'the same thing happened to so and so hygenist that works here. I said, 'well I was pretty far along' and then she said - 'so was she'. So you just can't win...
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