This HAS to be a bad dream. Why can't I wake up? Any minute now, I'll wake up and still be pregnant. Brayden will be kicking away when I wake up...
I know that the sadness that I am wading through day to day now is the truth. The absolute sucky truth! But, that doesn't make me wish any less that this isn't a dream...wait, make that nightmare. Just because I know it's the truth, doesn't force away the desire to go back four weeks.
Yes, it's been four weeks now since Brayden's birth. It's weird because it feels like ages ago and just a few seconds at the same time. The part of me that feels that it's only been seconds is willing my brain to believe that this is only a dream. But the logical side of me realizes that it has been 28 horrible days. Days of rain and sunshine outside, tears, cries and anger inside. Every day...hour...minute some piece of me wishes, with all of my being, that this was not my story. I don't want to be the mom to two angels!
I love you boys. I miss you dearly.
1 comment:
Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry for the losses of your beautiful boys. I know the feeling of wanting to wake up from this horrible, horrible dream.
I'm so very sorry that you are a member of the two angel club. It kills me to know that we have another new member.
If you ever need to chat, don't hesitate to email me.
Take care of yourself, and wishing you lots of peace and healing.
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