So, it's not the end of the world. I mean, it's not like I've lost my baby. Oh wait, I have...twice now. So, yes it is the end of the world. The weird thing is that the world is still going though. How can that be? I guess it's just the end of my world...or at least the one that I use to know.
In my blog hopping today, I came across a post asking about would you want to be told that you hadn't changed. The thought of that just completely floors me. How can we have not changed? (The "we" being all of us deadbabymamas out there.) I know I'm not the same person, and never will be. I'm no longer able to be that naive pregnant lady...never again. I'm much more informed, some for the better and some not. I have definitely learned a lot over the past year, not that I wanted to, though. I have grown, but I wish I hadn't had to go through all this and that.
This s*cks. And this day is not helping at all. We should be preparing for bringing Brayden home. I should be folding tiny little socks and onezies. Instead, I'm avoiding going out because there will be babies with their happy fathers everywhere.
So, Happy staying in the house to avoid all the happy families day.
3 comments:
I should have stayed indoor yesterday too. We went downtown yesterday as they were having all sorts of festivals in the parks and on Main street. What Ididn't know til we were already there in the midst of it all wa sthat it was a fundraiser for the Durango Children's Museum and there were families EVERYWHERE. So, today we are staying indoors.
I'm sorry Brayden is not coming home with you.
It's too too (two) sad.
I am so sorry.
B
I feel like my innocence is lost. That is the only way to describe it. If I ever get pregnant again (and thats a BIG if) I will not enjoy it. I know I won't. I'm struggling with it right now. I can't decide what I want to do. I feel like being pregnant is forever tainted for me.
I think of you often. Our losses were so close together.
Holli
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