I can't believe that I've been a deadbabymama for 11 months. My friends are preparing to celebrate the 1st and 2nd birthdays of their kids...and what am I doing? I'm trying to figure out a way to "celebrate" the life that was the first to ever live inside of me. I'm trying to figure out a way to go about this without offending anyone or making anyone uncomfortable. (I still don't know why I need to think about these other's feelings, but whatever!)
I really like what Mrs.H did here and here. I'm not sure that I am quite that creative...but we'll see. I mean, that's just amazing! She is, after all, an amazing woman :-) We will celebrate the day. Partially because that's the only way I see being able to make it through...but also because our adorable Cooper deserves his own day.
I survived the day with the knowledge that it was yet another 30th. I did have the date seeming to loom over me, but it's not as bad as it has been in past months. I desparately miss my son...I miss both of them. It's still not fair and never will be. I'm not writing more today, because I'm actually "up"...and I don't feel guilty for it yet.
So, I'm off to a glass of wine to continue my good mood.
...Update...the good mood didn't stay. Note to self: don't go back and read your blog after wine.
2 comments:
Thank you for linking to my blog and commenting on the boys birthdays.
I have a few friends that will be celebrating their childrens' 1st and 2nd birthdays. Between August and November there are 5. It makes me terribly sad because they're fretting over what kind of cake to make their sons (they're all boys) or what theme to go with... And here we are trying to make some sort of sense of all of this. THis is NOT how we should be celebrating our sons birthdays.
I do know that whatever you choose to do for Cooper's 1st, it will be beautiful and special. Celebrate the day any way you can and just honor him. He will love you and think you are the greatest mother ever.
And I think you are pretty amazing yourself. If you need anything, please let me know. I can offer ideas or support or whatever else you may need.
Note to you: Don't go back and read your blog at all if you don't want to cry. It happens to me all the time and I don't even drink.
When I looked at the calendar and realized it was July today I first thought that this is the month I should be having my baby, then I thought about you, and this is your due date month also. When I checked your blog and saw it was also a First Birthday month my prayers are with you. Just try to appreciate the days you feel good and don't feel guilty about the days you don't feel so happy. -Valerie
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